What really happens at swingers parties


A GROUP of swingers have given a rare and honest insight into the inner workings of the taboo lifestyle, revealing the truth behind people's common misconceptions.

ABC's program You Can't Ask That features different groups of Australians and asks them questions that people want to know the answer to but wouldn't bring up in a regular situation.

Some of the past participants include former cult members, drag queens, transgender people, strippers and, in the latest episode, swingers.

Single women like Megan who are involved in the swinging scene are called ‘unicorns’. Picture: ABC
Single women like Megan who are involved in the swinging scene are called ‘unicorns’. Picture: ABC

The participants start off by addressing some of the myths around swinging and swingers parties.

There's a common misconception that at these parties partners get chosen by everyone putting their car keys in a bowl and whoever's keys you pick out is your partner for the night.

But according to the participant's this rarely, if ever, happens and partners are chosen on a preferential basis.

"I would much rather have sex with a couple that we have talked with over drinks for an hour than be forced into a bedroom with another person," Sally from Melbourne said.

Megan, a single woman who is involved in the Brisbane swinger scene, said: "That would terrify me because you don't really have a choice about who you're going home with or who you're hooking up with."

Megan is known as a "unicorn" in the shining community because of her single status and said that a lot of couples often look to incorporate another woman in their sex lives.

She said that many people believe women are forced into the swinging scene by their husbands or boyfriends and that the community is just full of "sleazy, old, fat men".

"The thing is that can be true sometimes because all types of people like to swing," Megan said. "(It's) people wanting to explore their sexuality with each other in a couple situation."


For the people being interviewed the decision to get into swinging was very much a mutual decision between both partners.

Husband and wife Andrew and Sally first got into the scene shortly after their engagement.

"I was only 18 when I met Andrew. He was pretty much one of my first sexual partners," Sally said.

"As the wedding date slowly crept up on us, I sort of felt the pressure of, 'I haven't had any other sexual experiences, I haven't played with anyone else'".

She said it was a co-worker that first suggested that just because they were getting married didn't mean they had to be monogamous.

The couple now regularly attend swingers events together, naming "jelly wrestling" and "the raw lust of it" as some of the most exciting aspects.

Andrew showing off some of his moves. Picture: ABC
Andrew showing off some of his moves. Picture: ABC

Interviewees answered a range of questions like "What are the best sex tips you have learned?" and "What is it like to lose your swinging virginity?", but one of the big ones asked what it was like to see their partner with someone else.

Jess from Sydney said jealousy is definitely a factor, particularly in the beginning.

"I'm not going to say I don't get jealous, especially in the early days … because, you know, I compared myself to that girl and I was like, 'How did she do that?'" she said

"(But) I think just being able to communicate that with Lawrence has taught me … I don't have to be jealous. I can just appreciate and love him and love her for what they're doing. And do it better sometimes."

Most of the couples agreed that communication between couples was key and a lot of the time seeing their partner with someone else was part of the thrill.

Mrs and Mr D met online through the swinging community. Secret life of swingers. Picture: ABC
Mrs and Mr D met online through the swinging community. Secret life of swingers. Picture: ABC

All of the interviewees were very forthcoming with information and the episode didn't really leave much to the imagination.

While some viewers praised the show as "wonderfully honest" and "very eye-opening", others weren't so impressed.

"While I'm cool with people enjoying whatever they like, I actually felt like I was tricked into listening to porn without my consent," one person wrote on social media.

"Bit ironic really when they were talking up the understanding of consent within the swinging community."

Another said. "Now I am very broad minded but that needed some serious warnings before it was on. Bit OTT. Love the concept in the right situation."

"Bit verbally graphic for 9pm my adult kids. Walked out! … not a prude just saying," one person wrote.

You can watch the full episode of You Can't Ask That on ABC iview.