Pokemon aren't real, are they?

THE Pokemon are back in our driveway.

I thought I killed them all a few weeks back but they returned the other night and I have no idea how or why.

I only knew they were back when I saw a pack of people standing in the front yard, staring intently at their mobile phones.

One minute the street was empty.

The next there were people coming from every direction.

I really don't understand how this happens.

Who decides where these pesky Pokemon things are going to be?

Is it random or is some evil genius plotting my imminent placement in a mental hospital?

If you kill them, who don't they stay dead?

These are the questions that keep me awake at night (along with why The Bachelor is allowed to continue and why the NRL is determined to continue with the waste of time and space it calls The Bunker).

"Get out of here, you crazy bastards," I shouted at the salivating throng of Pokemon hunters in our driveway.

They ignored me, both individually and collectively, although one did look up from her screen long enough to give me a one-fingered salute (I hate it when three-year-olds get too big for their boots).

It was like a scene from the Night Of The Living Dead. Only this mob were scarier than any zombies I've ever seen.

It's not just my driveway that's a problem. I saw something similar down at Kings Beach the other day.

One minute there was nothing but families walking along the boardwalk.

The next minute, cars were screeching to a halt and disgorging scores of Pokemon-hunting zombies.

Gaunt-faced, bleary-eyed, emaciated from days without food and probably smelly from a lack of basic hygiene, they staggered towards the park intent on finding an imaginary 1980's cartoon character that don't actually exist.

This really has to stop!

Imagine if aliens in search of intelligent life landed in the middle of a Pokemon hunting party.

What would that do to our inter-planetary reputation?

Bad enough we have Donald Trump and boy bands; now we have Pokemon hunting.

And before I get drawn and quartered as a Pokemon non-believer - yes, I have tried it.

And no, I didn't enjoy it.

It might be a different story if they ever invent a Pac Man hunting game.

At least Pac Man was real.